Confessions of a Hormone Crazed Mind

Truth: The thought of carrying twins has caused me some anxiety, most of which I assume is aggravated by the progesterone. (Seriously, stay away from that stuff, if you can -- it's a doozy!)As I move further along in this journey, I am becoming more aware of my charge in nurturing these 2 babies for C & M and as a result, some worries have made their way into my mind.

The other night, I made the mistake of googling images for twin pregnancy and came across some frightful sized bellies. Now, I know this just comes with the territory, but my belly grew rather large with just ONE. I can't imagine TWO. This is that whole "fear of the unknown" thing again. Will I be able to find clothes that fit? My shower is kinda smallish...will I be able to bathe? Ha! One other thought on this before I move along: I have read that time and previous pregnancies cause the ab muscles and uterine muscles to relax. I fear that instead of the nice stick-straight-out-belly a'la Angelina Jolie, mine will hang so low as to knock my knees when I walk, mwahahahaha! I guess if i can laugh about that, I must not be too concerned, right?! ;) I likely won't give this one another thought after this posting...

A multiple pregnancy carries a greater risk of bed rest, especially later in the pregnancy. While most moms might love the idea of being told to lay down and do as little as possible, I will have a hard time with this one. I am in charge of entertaining a budding 3 yr old during the day who would not take too kindly to a mom who can no longer hide-and-seek, tickle and chase, and fetch any snacks as he has want. Also, I fear I can only spend so much time on the laptop and in front of the television to pass the time. I suppose could beg folks to come and keep me company from time to time, but all I can think about here is: Goodness, I don't have many visitors when I'm well, how am I going to convince anyone to come when I'm bedridden. :P

Pre-term delivery is also a possibility with multiples. This is a real concern for me as I already feel the responsibility of caring for these babies to make sure they are well and ready for life when they arrive. My wonderful OB has assured me that my risk of early delivery is fairly low given my history and my current health, but it's in the back of my mind nonetheless.

C-section -- more of a possibility with two than one. I've been very fortunate to have avoided being cut in my previous deliveries. Now truthfully, this is not my biggest concern because I know that women have c-sections everyday. This worry just comes from the fact that I personally have no idea what this is experience is like. Although I imagine one would be able to heal much faster whilst not having to care for an infant during the recovery.

I carry more concerns and fears, but those are the ones I can only share with the hubby...the fears that reveal who I am behind the blog screen, ones that might show me as more human that I care to admit, ones that only he could love me after knowing.

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant with C's Twins, still bearing the weight of first trimester woes. Ultrasound is in 2 weeks to check on Baby A and Baby B. My prayers lie with the health of all 3 of us throughout this pregnancy.

The Verdict is In

We are seeing DOUBLE!



Now, you might have to look closely (ha!), but you there are 2 sacs, each with one healthy, heart-beating bean. Baby A is measuring about a 4-5 days behind Baby B. It's not unusual for one baby to be slightly smaller than the other in a twin pregnancy. This could be because Baby B implanted some days before Baby A, or Baby A just might be developing slower. It is possible for Baby A to catch up, so that's where our prayers lie.
Other than that exciting news, everything else was a pretty routine OB visit. I will go back in 3 weeks for another ultrasound.
I was in a bit of shock when I saw the 2 sacs. I knew twins were a possibility, but I was still a bit shocked. My shock has turned to excitement for C & M as the day goes on. I will confess that I am a little nervous, mostly due to fear of the unknown. But I am healthy and in the care of more than adequate professionals, so I feel good about all things. And of course, C is very excited. I'm so honored to be able to carry her babies, and I can't wait until she holds them both.
On another note: I need to figure out what to do with this short-waisted, non-existent torso that I have going on...where am I going to grow?!

How You Doin'

It's more than a cheesy pick up line. It's another variation of the infamous, "How are you feeling?" I forgot how many times folks ask you that when you're pregnant. I know they mean well, and perhaps are truly concerned, but I wonder if my inept social ability makes it awkward to say anything else. Go ahead and giggle, you know it's probably true.




I'm guessing that most are content with an "Oh, I'm doing fine," and would prefer to hit up the blog for the real truth. Because, and let's be honest, do you really, really want to know how I'm feeling in the early stages of pregnancy. Should I openly share with you, it would appear as if I'm complaining and you may walk away and never speak to me again, ha!



So, the next time I say, "Oh, I'm doing well," here's what I really mean:

• My boobs are sore
• I'd like to sleep for the next week straight
• Food disgusts me, so I don't eat, therefore I'm always hungry
• I'm moody just because
• I'd like to sleep for the next week straight
• Still working on those digestive issues
• My pants are starting to get tight -- yes, already!
• I pee all the time
• Id like to sleep for the next week straight
• I get dizzy at the oddest times
• I can smell everything (and it nauseates me, so grandma-esque potpourri is a no-no
• I have hot flashes that make me sweat ridiculously
• I'd like to sleep for the next week straight

Ok, I think that about covers how I feel most days. Now would you really like to stand patiently in the grocery store and listen to me go through all those "feelings?" I'm guessing no, and it's likely that list won't change much until the 2nd trimester, where I hope to have much more positive feelings. :)

Back to the fact that my pants are tight: Yeah, I'm only 6 weeks in and my uterus is already taking shape. I think it's a soldier in ready mode! It's probably not noticeable to those that don't know me. If you do know me, I likely look like I've put on a few pounds. (But I haven't yet, I swear -- I'm actually down 4lbs, but not on purpose.) I'm supposing I will remain in the is-she-fat-or-is-she-pregnant stage for a some time.

Ultrasound is scheduled for Sept. 14th at 9am, yay! I'm off to talk myself out of a nap and into a load of laundry. More updates coming next week.