Monday, February 22, 2016

Making these babies public!

In my previous post, I shared that K had 11 surviving embryos. We found out this weekend that only 8 of those embryos stopped growing. K and J have 3 embryos that were frozen. Prior to freezing, cells from each embryo were pulled and will be tested for chromosomal defects. Remember, this can tell us which embryos will have a chance for a viable pregnancy. K is a bit discouraged, as I don't think the statistics are in her favor for all 3 embryos testing well. We will know the results in about a week. Unless they all 3 test well, K will have to undergo another egg retrieval.

As far as my part in all of this is concerned, I am still waiting to be begin meds. "Hurry up and wait" is the name of this game afterall.

In unrelated medical news, I have decided to make this blog public again. I began this blog in 2010 with the hopes of sharing my experience in order to encourage both surrogates and parents who struggle with infertility. I hoped to share my own perspective and feelings about surrogacy as well as offer some layman's knowledge on the subject,at least periodically.

To be honest, I never expected such negative responses from those who claim to to love me as family. In fact, the negativity weighed heavily on my family. Can you imagine having family actually tell you that you could be "so much more than just a mother." That's a real quote, folks. I try to assume that this statement had good intentions, rather than being a bless-your-heart backhanded compliment against my own personal choice to become a mother and subsequent surrogate mother. And of course I've received several "I don't agree with you, but I support you" statements. I'm not even sure what that means, but I won't be seeking that kind of "support."

The icing on the proverbial finger-pointing cake was the comment -from loving family, mind you -that surrogacy would send both me and my husband "straight to hell." (I won't get on my soapbox about those who believe in hell don't seem to believe in grace - perhaps my "sin of surrogacy" -it's not sin, by the way -  is just too much for Jesus' cross to cover, and only this relative gets to decide what His love forgives today as well in my future that she knows so well.) My husband was also told that he was not considered part of his family any longer because of my decision to be a surrogate. I suppose we truly are in this together. ;)

In light of all this unnecessary and hurtful drama, I made the blog private in 2013, prior to my second surrogacy. It was viewable to only a handful of trusted family and friends. My recent decision to open up the blog once again was born out of my desire to reach others by sharing my story. I found that keeping peace doesn't always mean keeping quiet. I believe that this same Jesus whom this relative says condemns me (He doesn't) is the same Jesus who offers me the grace to live in peace because of His love for me. Because of this freedom, I am no longer beholden to the opinions of others; instead I seek to live out my faith in love. The Jesus I know tells me in my Spirit that there is no greater love than those who would lay down their life for others. Surrogacy is such a beautiful way to lay down your life for someone else, and I am honored to be given the opportunity to offer such a gift.

Welcome back to my journey, friends!

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