Need a chuckle?

I have decided that when I get old and wrinkly (and I mean no disrespect by using those adjectives: I will inevitably get old and according to my genetics, I could be quite wrinkly), I am going to use that as license to say whatever I might be feeling to anyone, pregnant or otherwise. Case in point:

The other night, as I was sipping on some herbal tea in my local Starbucks waiting for a friend, an elderly gentleman took notice of my belly. Here's the conversation that followed:

Elderly Man: "So, I guess you're about to deliver any day now, huh?"
Me: "No, actually I have a bit more time left. I won't be delivering until end of April."
Elderly Man: *with astonishment* "Wow! You must going to have a big baby."
Me: "Well, no, not really. I will be delivering twins."
Elderly Man: *more astonishment* "Twins?! Two of them?! I don't know how women can have two babies, but I guess, I guess they can. Wow, two of them!"

I took advantage of a long pause, assuming this was the end of our conversation, and continued my reading, waiting, and tea -sipping. It wasn't the end.

Elderly Man: "Do you have any of them?"
Me: "Pardon me. Any of what, sir?"
Elderly Man: "Kids. Do you have kids already?"
Me: "Yes, sir. I have 4 children at home."
Elderly Man: *most astonishment yet* "Four! You already have four, and now you're having two more? That's six! Six kids! What will you do with six? *shaking his head* Six! Are they all your husband's?"
Let me take a moment here to tell you that this is NOT the first time someone has asked me if all my children belong to the same man; apparently, I have a certain look about me that leads people to believe I am quite friendly with the opposite sex. Really?Me: "Yes, they're all my husband's. And I won't have six children. I'm actually carrying these two for another couple, so I will still only have four."
Elderly Man: *confused now* "So, you're carrying for another couple? They want you to carry their children? How do you do that?"
Me: "Oh, the wonders of medical science are great, aren't they?"

Thankfully, my friend showed up at this time, putting an end to my awkward conversation. The elderly man just looked at me for a second more, chuckled to himself, then went back to enjoying his cookies and coke.

Things to Never Say to a Pregnant Woman, EVER

(all have been said to me in some form)

1. "Yeah, I looked like you when I was 9 months pregnant" -- I'm only 6 months.

2. "You're hips must be getting ready for the birth."

3. "Wow! You're huge!"

4. "You seem to grow each time I see you."

5. "How much weight have you gained?"

6. "'Are you sure there's not two in there?" -- There is, this time.

7. "Don't you know what causes that?"

8. "Haven't you had that baby yet?" -- Clearly no, if you're asking me and I'm still pregnant.

9. "You must be having a big baby."

10. "You look tired." -- This code for "you look awful."

Leave me a comment adding your own; I'd love to read them. Hope you got a small chuckle and I'll see you all in a few days.